Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
