I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
