youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize