I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
