he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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