You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
