what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
