i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
