She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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