So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize