I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
