Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just pee around me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
