Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
