You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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