also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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