If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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