in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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