How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize