dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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