So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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