yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
