I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
