so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
