Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
