he puts the penis in happiness.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
