i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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