Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
