ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
