thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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