True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
