You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
