my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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