So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I supernannyed him into submission
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
