I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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