Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i now understand why vodka
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
