you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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