She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
