I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
