Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
