it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize