Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
