these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
