I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
