I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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