Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
