He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
