Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
