Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
