My first STD was from a foam party
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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