Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
