Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
