they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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