I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
