I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she peed on how many people?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
