you win again, gameday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
