thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
