Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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