i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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