the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
time to smoke my breakfast
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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