just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
