I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
