Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
