your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
