I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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