This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
