I'm jealous of your bromance
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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