Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
