margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
