I faked an abortion last night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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