I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
