Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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