The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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